Monday, April 4, 2011

My soul is a dark forest. Or, how D.H. Lawrence convinced me Grad School is for the birds.

I’m going to preface this blog by saying that I don’t intend to sound as if I’m on some self righteous rant or diatribe against intellectualism. I’ve been perusing D.H. Lawrence’s “Studies in Classic American Literature” for a second time and it’s hit me hard again, as any “good” book should. I can’t help but take to heart his third rule in his creed against Franklin’s “Poor Richard’s Almanac (what a croc of shit, by the way).” Here’s what Lawrence posits:

SILENCE
“Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you’ve got to say, and say it hot.”

So here’s me, saying it hot and listening to my inner gods:

I once heard a quote, though it sounded specious, from a washed up band’s website, which proposed that human beings shed through all their current cells every seven years. So although I don’t have the medical spreadsheet to back this up, I’d have to say I at least FEEL this is true. Seven years ago I was waking up at 4 am six days a week, getting super fit, and was only going to get even more fit as I pursued Ironman, distance running, and bike racing. Now…well lets just say if I crash in a race or on the mountain bike, I don’t get out of bed and run twenty miles at 4am the next morning. I’ve also lost most of my Latin I worked to so hard to learn. Overall, I’m happy and content with where I am, but just for fun I’m going to evaluate the most important changes in my life, with only a modicum of nostalgia.

1. I drink more beer. Not only do I drink more, but I drink BETTER beer, as in higher quality. Even at 23 I would drink once every couple weeks and it would be bud light or another type of “alcoholic water,” if you will. Lets just say Stone Brewing and Sierra Nevada have worked wonders for me- this is most definitely a positive.

2. My mortality is pretty freakin’ apparent. After several road racing and mountain bike crashes, I move a little slower after hard workouts. I might take a couple Advil with my beer after a long day on the bike. If a gap opens in the pack at CBR crits I ask myself “is this move worth a cat scan?” and by that time the gap is closed. I’m a mediocre bike racer, and a better runner; so I’m slowing getting my running stride back and looking at some longer races again J (yes, that last clause merited a smiley face).

3. I’ve found my passion and niche in the outdoor industry with a great company. I’m a fool for the co-op. I hope to stay there as my career. Oh, and I’ve had some pretty great trips with good friends, and great opportunities because of said great company.

4. I dropped out of grad school. It’s a bigger corporation than most big corporations- no joking. Besides all those NPR pieces on brilliant students who can’t find work and are crumbling under commensurate mountains of debt, I have to thank D.H. Lawrence and Dr. Gerald Butler (soon to be expatriated in the fashion of Hemingway, Dos Pasos, and Stein) for showing me that a piece of paper is bullshit; go out and live the way you want, don’t rot away in a closet-like library while prostituting yourself out to whatever obscure and oblique intellectual fields MIGHT at least get you an interview along with 300 other applicants for one position where you will be graded based on your students evaluations- and you better include some pop culture texts or movies if you want to get above a 3 from them!

5. Aside from the above rant (to any past colleagues, please don’t be offended. The tone of this blog is meant to be that of light humor) I’m more calm and collected; no longer an emo kid. I’ve learned to relax a bit and not freak out about being in bed by 9 so I can get up at 4 am and run a 10k before work at 9. I feel more calm, and I’ve discovered yoga, which helps immensely in balancing my mind and body.


So what’s next? I don’t like to dwell on the fact that I may have peaked after collegiate sports, graduating, completing the Ironman, and that one barely decent season of bike racing. The thought of a 50k or a 50 miler is very enticing if I can train smart enough to keep my body from falling apart. Heck, we don’t hit our endurance prime until 30 right?!? What about you? Are you looking forward to the future and planning new adventures to challenge yourself? Because you should be.